Linguistic register

The way the short film will be planned out will be by making it a linear story line which means that it will be in order for example(they wake up-eating breakfast-watching TV). The important information gets displayed at the start and end of the short film and it will be what is the story about and how many people become victims of domestic violence each year.
I think this is good way of planning the short film and I think that this is the best way. In my opinion I think this is the best and efficient way of doing the short film.

             - Doesn't make sense, needs a comma.
             - The sentence is too long it needs a comma or full stop to break it up, parts of sentence don't make sense.
             - This is not formal.
             - Doesn't make sense.
             - This piece of text is too conversational which is not appropriate when in a presentation, also doesn't make sense. this piece of text is not needed in your presenta


Correct version

The short film will be planned out by making it a linear story. This means that the short film will be in order, for example (they wake up -- eating breakfast -- watching TV). The important information gets displayed at the start and end of the short film this will be there because it will help tell the story and how many people become victims of domestic violence last year.